Parenting isn’t a one-size-fits-all job, and there are many different approaches to raising children from birth through to adulthood. That said, one particular “type” of parenting that gets a very mixed rep is the whole “cool,” “fun,” and “chilled” approach. Think Regina George’s mom in Mean Girls.
Of course, there’s a scale to just how carefree these parents are, but typically, “cool parents” don’t really care about “boring” things like bedtimes and chores. And in many cases, they’ll let their kids experiment with "grown-up" things — like alcohol — far younger than they’re legally allowed to.
This week, a TikTok video from user Hess Hembree sparked a lot of discourse around the reality of having “cool parents.” "Nothing is darker than looking back at the 'cool parents' that your friends or you might have had when you were growing up, that let you do shit that now you're like, 'What in the world was that about?'" he said.
The video struck a chord with many TikTok users, prompting several people to share their own experiences in the comments. Here’s a roundup of responses:
Due to the sensitive nature of the following responses, which include mention of minors drinking alcohol, smoking, and using substances with the permission of adults, the entries in this post have been kept anonymous.
1. “I had the ‘cool mom.’ At 14, I snapped and asked her why she couldn’t be normal. I had zero supervision and was already drinking and smoking. Basically, raising myself and my baby brother. But even at 14, I knew I wanted structure and rules. I am now mom to adult children and became the mom I wish I could have had.”
—Anonymous
2. “When I was 15, my mom would smuggle liquor into the fair for me and my friends to get wasted. My dad would ask us for liquor knowing we stole it. Now I have a 15-year-old daughter, and I’m realizing the trauma I endured because I didn’t have parents like me and my husband. It’s tragic.”
—Anonymous
3. “My mom would buy us alcohol, let us and our friends drink, and would drink with us. She also dressed like a teenager, and her second husband was my high school boyfriend's best friend.”
—Anonymous
4. "I lived with my mom, and she was so neglectful instead of negligent. I couldn’t party at home with friends, but I could be gone all weekend and never explain to her where I was. One time, I really wanted attention and love when I was 16, and so I got blackout drunk for the first time (somewhat on accident) because I just wanted her to notice me. I woke up and could not remember anything. No one even noticed I was home."
—Anonymous
5. “My mom was the ‘cool mom’...Always drinking and doing drugs with my brothers and their friends, and then she would sleep with their friends once they turned 18. It was hell to grow up in; I'm so glad I'm out.”
—Anonymous
6. “I shouldn't have been smoking in the garage with people's parents.”
—Anonymous
7. “I had a BF whose mom would let them throw keg parties when we were 14-15. My parents would never let me sleep there — and it made me sooooo mad — but they clearly knew what was going on.”
—Anonymous
8. “When I was 10 years old, my best friend's mom threw parties and gave me shots when I was over. Now I’d kill someone if they gave my 10-year-old alcohol.”
—Anonymous
9. “Looking back, it makes me so uncomfortable. My friend's mom, when I was 14, would buy us alcohol, give us Xanax and call us out of school pretending to be our moms. I wouldn’t come home for days, and when my mom would show up to the house asking if I was there, thinking I was MISSING, she would lie and say she hadn’t seen me.”
—Anonymous
10. “My mom is lucky she didn’t go to jail. It’s so cringe thinking back now. She tried so hard to be cool and liked.”
—Anonymous
11. “My parents were these parents. I frequently tell them they were irresponsible and negligent and they act confused like they didnt let us do drugs and have parties at 14.”
—Anonymous
12. “MY best friend's mom introduced us to liquor and took bumps WITH us. She literally ruined my life.”
—Anonymous
13. "My parents would cook my friends a big Italian dinner and then let us have wine and buy us beers and would let us party in the basement. I think they thought it was providing a 'safe space' for us to party and explore, but it’s soooooo weird to think back on now."
—Anonymous
14. “I had cool parents. I don't speak to either of them at 38. It really hits you when your kid turns the age you were....iykyk. You realize how bad it was.”
—Anonymous
15. “My parents let me throw a massive party right before high school graduation, alcohol everywhere. Like wtf were you thinking???? For years, I thought it was the coolest thing ever, and now as a parent, TF.”
—Anonymous
Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.
Some comments have been edited slightly for length or clarity.
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